Lost in Translation

:) More jokes from Bhagawati in Bali :)

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Cocktail lounge in Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO

THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctor's office in Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel in Acapulco:

THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner in Japan:

COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure in Tokyo:

WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST BUT, IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE

HIM WITH VIGOR.

Dry cleaners in Bangkok:

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

TO STOP LEAK, TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school:

NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION

On an Arctic River highway:

TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster to fight illiteracy:

ARE YOU AN ADULT WHO CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a city restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand-dryer:

DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS

In a Pumwani maternity ward:

NO CHILDREN ALLOWED

In a cemetery:

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES

FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:

GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED.

Hotel notice in Tokyo:

IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO

SUCH A THING, IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTICE.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS

In a Bangkok temple:

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGHER IF DRESSED AS A MAN

Hotel room notice in Chiang-Mai, Thailand:

PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM

Hotel brochure in Italy:

THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby in Bucharest:

THE LIFT IS BING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel elevator in Paris:

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel in Yugoslavia:

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET

COMOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel catering to skiers in Austria:

NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF

ASCENSION.

Taken from a menu in Poland:

SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE: LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMLINGS IN THE

FORM OF A FINGER, ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE, BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Supermarket in Hong Kong:

FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

From the “Soviet Weekly”:

THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

Hotel in Vienna:

IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest (as if this is enforced):

IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF

DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS

THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel in Zurich:

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN

THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

Tourist agency in Czechoslovakia:

TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window of a Swedish furrier:

FUR COATS ARE MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:

GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

In a Swiss mountain inn:

SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE CREAM

Airline ticket office in Copenhagen:

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE U.S.S.R., YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT

A laundry in Rome:

LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD

TIME.

anupama@ahastories.com

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