Scottish Jokes
music playing is Whistle O'er the Lave O't
Here is a classic Scotttish joke my dear old Dad used to tell on specaial occasions.
Someone once asked an elderly Scottish gentleman, "What is worn underneath the kilt?"
"Nothing," the elderly gentleman answered, "All is in perfect working condition."
Here are some more:
A Scotsman and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the finest restaurants in New York. At the end of the evening the waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just gae the check to me". The headlines in the local newspaper next day proclaimed "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".
Do you know how the Grand Canyon was formed ?
A Scot dropped a penny in a golf hole.
A Scottish newspaper ad "Lost - a £5 note. Sentimental value.
Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!" Lottery night! Someone else wins... Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!" Lottery night again! Still no luck... Jock prays again. "Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns
are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have
always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win
the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and
the voice of God Himself thunders:"Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"